Check On Your White Friends

May is Mental Health Awareness Month which is a time to shine a spotlight on the importance of de-stigmatizing mental health and also recognizing ways to support your own mental health. Mental health can very well be genetically inherited just as much as it can be environmental factors. But, today, I want to spend less energy speaking about mental health as a whole and focus in on White people and their contributions to the mental, emotional and physical abuse of Black people. I have a call to action for them.

Even in this pandemic, Black people have been forced to relive the disgusting reality that our lives do not matter here in the hands of the police community. As we suffer inside from this pandemic, this trauma is packed on with the unjust cold-blooded murders of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. Time and time again it takes videos floating around social media for mainstream, White media to kinda, sorta get it. It’s these sorts of incidents that contribute to environmental factors that negatively feed into the mental health of Black people who feel helpless as this keeps happening.

We protest, we try to fire District Attorneys, we try to elect people for our cause, we sign petitions and still these atrocities keep happening right before our fatigued eyes. Through it all I will often see tweets or memes saying “Check on your Black friends, they’re not doing well.” Nah. I need to see a new messaging: “Check on your White friends.”

Allow me to explain…..

I have had this burning urge to put in White people’s hearts a reality about our current climate. I know, it is not the oppressed’s job to educate the oppressor, but alas, Black people are always taking the high road. Anyway, I believe that before you can offer education, it is first important to understand where to start with people. In my unique time growing up and working in predominantly White settings there is one particular roadblock I have encountered. It’s passive because it typically isn’t said aloud, but it may explain many of their reasons for inaction.

I vividly recall back when I was working in a traditional corporate setting, a group activity where we publicly shared issues with HR that we wanted the company to address. My issue was of course diversity initiatives. I said this amongst my almost entirely White male colleagues. One had his arms folded and this reaction looked familiar. I remember bringing this up in a smaller setting a year prior and this same White male colleague seemed uneasy, like he had something to say. Recognizing this moment, I asked him if he had feedback. “Yeah! I mean, I get the whole diversity thing, but I grew up below the poverty line. We lived in the hood. My Mom struggled so....” I got exactly what he was saying. It was in that moment that I knew there were likely so many White people like him that had this point of view. They just don’t get it.

Every White person reading this should lean in, be still, be receptive and take notes on what I’m about to say: It’s not about your struggle; you’re still benefiting from being White no matter your economic status, sexual preference, perceived struggles, religion and the like.

I know there are a lot of White people who would jump down your throat if you ever told them that they didn’t have struggle. That they didn’t fight to get to where they are at right now and that nothing was handed to them. My answer is: that you can see. I know that isn’t a full sentence. What I am implying is that for those who wholeheartedly think that way, you have neglected to see the underlying reality and that is that it is 100% IMPOSSIBLE for you to have everything because you worked hard to get it when the very foundation of the country you live in is 100% rooted in racism. Every stitch of America has racism sewn into it. There was never equity to begin with. To say that you have everything you have because it was fair game is a false narrative your racist history books and households taught you directly or indirectly. You can’t go to another country, steal people who don’t look like you, have them do all the dirty work/labor, whip them into submission, deny them any advancements economically while stealing their ideas/inventions and squeezing everything out of their blood, sweat and tears to create the banks you’re in today, the schools you’re in today, the corporations you benefit from today. The land your feet touch today was stolen from Indigenous People, the clothes on your back are off of the hard work that Black people did and so much more that is the framework of our nation. So you cannot deserve something more than your Black counterparts because you “worked harder” and had “struggle” and “overcame”. That makes absolutely zero historical sense. Until you realize that you have had a leg up since birth because of the color of your skin alone, this nation can not move forward in unity. Why: because you can’t move forward toward a solution if you don’t even know what the problem is. There are many resources available for White people to learn the truth about American history - you can’t hide anymore or expect Black people or Indigenous People to give you all of the resources. But here’s some help: Rachel Cargle.

By the way, if you’re White and you’re not racist and you truly feel like you have worked hard to get to where you are, I understand, but history is history and the outcome of that cannot be erased from your life story. You were still White in every setting and in every encounter and yes, that made a difference. But, you have the power to be on the right side of history and it’s not resolving that you’re not racist and moving along; it’s about educating your race and working to be an advocate in every facet. So, yeah - check on your White friends.

This is a start in helping the mental health of Black people and other POCs (people of color). While you educate your community, we will spend that time unpacking the centuries of slavery that have transcended into many households in the form of a poverty/slavery mindset. This mindset has caused many Black people to be debilitated mentally, socially and economically - causing a generational trauma that words cannot begin to describe. Even the ones who have “overcome” and are thriving did it pushing through all the odds stacked against them simply because they’re Black.

So, again the call to action for White people is: Check on your White friends. Make sure they are doing the work to educate themselves on American history from credible resources and how they can contribute to making this world a better place for Black people.

“You can’t undue the past, but you can unpack humanity.”- Anonymous

Karen Okonkwo, TONL Co Founder