Love is Love: LGBTQIA+ Love Stories

Love is in the air! For Valentine’s Day 2023, TONL is sharing love stories from LGBTQIA+ couples. Meet King (they/them) and Avery (he/they), a polyamorous queer couple based in Washington, DC, and Geneva (she/her) and Star (she/her), a lesbian couple based in Philadelphia, PA. We spoke to these couples about their origin stories and the things they appreciate about each other the most.

King (left) & Avery (right)

TONL: Tell me, how long have you been together for?

King (K): We met each other in January 2022. We started dating in May of 2022. And we made it official in late October.

Avery (A): We met on Tinder and didn't meet in person for a while because of the pandemic. Our first time meeting each other, we both wore yellow shirts with jeans, okay?! And we both had on a white and black colored shoe. When he got in the car, I was like, “I'm done!” I randomly picked that outfit that day.

TONL: When you first met, what were your feelings? Do you feel like it was gonna be more than it was? Did you feel like “I'm gonna lock in, I'm feeling this person” or like, “let's take some time and see?”

K: I think both of us definitely came in very open minded. We had just both exited not-so-great relationships and were kind of like speed dating. So, we kind of had already known what we were looking for and stuff. And so the [first] place we went to was like a food hall. We were having that conversation of what we are both interested in eating and noticed that the bar bakes cookies. And we look at each other and go “some cookies will be nice right now!” And the lady was like “y’all want some? These are too burnt.” And we were like “YES girl give us some cookies!!”

A: I don’t know where the burnt was, cuz we tore them things up!

K: Right? So I think right off the bat, the fact that we were both so open to whatever came to be was kind of like, “alright, this is gonna be a good vibe.”

TONL: That’s really nice. You both said you started dating in October 2022, so it’s been about three months. Now that you’re both together, how do you feel?

A: I am ecstatic all the time.  I love to do things with him because he just has like a way of making me laugh. We have really good time [together], like we were at the restaurant [earlier today] and we were literally cracking up the entire time. For me, one of my Love Languages, especially for my family, is laughter. Like if there's nothing else going on, we're gonna laugh! During, hard times, good times, through everything. I'm definitely really connected to King because we just like to laugh at anything. And if somebody can always put a smile on your face, that's really good because you never know what's gonna happen in life.

TONL: What are some things that you're excited about for your future together? Especially as Valentine's Day is coming up, do you have any plans that you're working on?

K: Interesting. I've never been attached to Valentine's Day. And funnily enough, he's going to Morocco for that week. So, we won't be spending Valentine’s Day together. But we also don't need to spend Valentine’s Day together. Because we celebrate each other's love for each other all the time. And it's more about being together and celebrating love at every interaction then focusing that that day or that week. And I think for most cases, Valentine's Day is a very commercialized holiday. And so for us, off the bat, we have so many like boundaries set up, and he told me he was going to Morocco [on our] first date. Being poly, both of us aren't ever too strict with each other. We're very honest and open. And so, I'll be spending Valentine's Day with one of my partners. And he'll be with his mom and uncle. And we already decided on what we're going to do to make up for that. So, no plan this time.

A: But when we have planned things, we don't focus on the day, like a specific holiday. But sometimes you do have to tell me to chill because my expression of love is [gift-giving]. I'm always a fan of like giving people what they need when they ask for it, because that shows that you're actually paying attention.

K: And it’s funny too, because he gave me a gift for Christmas, and I surprised him with something as well. We both told each other we weren’t gonna do anything for Christmas, but I still got him something anyway. And he was like, “okay, good, because I [got you something] too!” I think that's something that really keeps us together, that we really match each other's energy without trying.

Star (left) & Geneva (right)

TONL: How long have you two been together and how did you meet?

Geneva (G): That’s an interesting question… So we’ve been together for seven years, something like that. A long time to the point where we stopped counting. We were both working for a nonprofit at the time. We were in the same [cohort] and met while we were both doing service, really struggling on a stipend life. And so we met each other and were friends first. And then our friendship kind of blossomed into more. And then we started to date a little bit after we were friends for a while.

TONL: So… tell me about that little friendship space that you were in. Was it really a friendship? Or was one of y'all feeling the other?

Star (S): [laughs] That's funny. No, I don't think I felt like it was always a friendship. Yes [friendship] was there [but] I say this all the time. The first time I saw her, I just gravitated to it. It was just like, I don't know why she's here, but something is pulling me towards her right now. And she needs to be in my life in whatever capacity God or the universe will allow. So, we were definitely friends, but I was like… she definitely feeling the kid though. I don't know how long this friendship gon’ last…!

TONL: What was the moment that the feelings switched for you two?

G: Halloween 2016, was it?

S: Yeah, 2016! We were at a party, and she did something slick and just gave me a little peck on the cheek, very close to the lips. And I was like, “Friends don’t do this…!” This isn't as innocent as it seems. I remember dropping her off, or we walked to the car together and then went home and I texted her “so I need to know… What is this?”

G: I think she said “It’s okay if you don’t respond to this… but” [laughs]

S: It was definitely one of those “sending the text, closing your eyes, running away from the phone, don’t look for another four hours” type of moments.

G: And I responded and said “same.” [laughs] I think I like you as well. And then from there, it’s just kind of has always been what it is now.

TONL: When it comes to your relationship and the dynamic that you have with each other, what is one thing that you both really appreciate about your connection?

G: I appreciate the fact she's always been genuine. There's never been a moment where I had to fake the funk or I felt like I had to show up as somebody that wasn't. I feel like I got to be always genuinely and authentically myself. That's something that I wouldn't say I've had in every relationship. I do appreciate being able to be my like authentic self. Good, bad, inn between... I think that is something that I really value.

S: I was gonna say, I feel really free with you. You make me feel free and I can show up as who I am and not overthink, because I'm a huge over overthinker. I overanalyze everything. And throughout the day when I'm with her just like I'm finally at ease. It's just a free connection. Where we don't have to second guess who we are. We were just home with each other. Literally and metaphorically.

TONL: You mentioned earlier that you’ve been married to each other since July 2022. How was that transition for you? People say that when they get married, it feels the same, but others say there’s a big shift in energy. How has that played out for you two?

G: I think it’s pretty similar. Now that we're married, I think I'm a little bit more vocal when it comes to certain things because I know she ain’t going nowhere [laughs]. I think before, I was [worried] I would say too much. But I don't think it changed though. We had already made a lot of financial commitments together prior to marriage. So, I think marriage was just like another thing that was always part of our plan. And I think that it just shows that we were already committed well before doing the marriage thing.

S: I don't think I don't think anything has as changed overall, I think when I'm not doing this, that's when [life] feels wrong or different. But right now, it's just been like everything that I know. It just feels right. Nothing else I'm doing in the world feels right except for this. I think that has increased with marriage. I was like, “okay, yeah, keep doing the right thing.” Nothing can change the fact that I’m genuinely happy with where we are and who we are together.