Marcel: I Will Walk Again

No jail. No nothing. No communication from him.

I had a criminal background.

I was bigger.

I was winning the fight.

I died twice at the scene of the crime and on the surgical table.

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On January 4th, 2016 I was shot in the neck which tore through my spine. For medical terms, it was a C4 injury.

I couldn’t talk for 4 months.

I had neutral thoughts toward God. In the beginning, I felt He was non-existent.

“Is God mad at me?”

“What did I do wrong?”

I had been homeless from age 14-21, in and out of jail and was just now getting stable. I had a good personal business for the past 8 years doing photography. This act of hate shook up my spiritual faith and belief.

Gun violence ruins families, friendships and communities.

This incident was embarrassing because I don’t put myself in those types of environments.

Day In the Life

In the hospital, it took two people to get me up every morning. They had to use a sling to get me up. I had no control of my bowel or urine. All of the above activities would take an hour, by the way.

Next, I would wash my face and brush my teeth which was also a hard task. I had to use a special tool to grip my toothbrush.

Now, due to the difficulty of getting ready, I take showers twice a week. I more so do this too because it’s important for me to be independent. I do exercises and stretches to help build back up the strength in my core. Rehab really helps.

Family

I have two boys, one is 10 and the other is 2. I also have a 13 year old daughter. This was life-changing for me and them. I had to learn how to be a different kind of parent. I’m a very active Dad so it’s been tough to say the least. I am lucky to have my beautiful babies and I am fully aware that in spite of everything, I still have my responsibilities as a father.

My son became angry at me. He wouldn’t talk to me or visit me. It killed me that I couldn’t fix the situation. God said, “STOP! This will be one of the most important parts of you and your son’s relationship.” So we connected and my son’s thoughts were similar to mine:

“Why me?”

“Why is Dad ruining my life?”

Somebody told him who did this to me. Now, if I bring a guy friend around, I am afraid my son will recluse to a dark place.

What I wish people knew...

I’m afraid.

A LOT.

Fearful of the future.

It makes me overly prepare for the future. I always want a source of revenue so my boys are taken care of. Fear is a good thing because it pushes me to do more. But, the fear does stop me from pursuing friendships. A fear of getting too close. After all, the perpetrator was my friend; we had a brotherhood.

Can I walk again....

My injury is a complete injury. Meaning, medically I cannot walk again. However, I believe in God so I believe that I will walk again. Miracles happen when multiple people are thinking about the same thing at the same time.

Final thoughts...

I took down pictures online after the incident and decided to focus on myself. Learning more about myself right down to the bone. Learning why my body spasms-the good reasons, the bad reasons. How do I roll to help people with my sling. I focused on lifting weights and strengthening my legs. Man, as I reflect, rehab saved my life. I am grateful to everyone at the hospital who cared for me. The people who made the rehabilitation process manageable. They are angels.

I am so thankful to everyone who helped me during this difficult time from family to friends to total strangers. So many people offered their prayers, brought me food, ran errands for me and the list goes on and on. I will never forget all the love and support. 

Just because something traumatic happens to you in your life, that doesn’t mean you have to stop living life.

#Fighting4Marcel