Men Cry Too

"Man up!"

"Don't be a whimp!"

"Stop crying"

"Boys don't cry!"

"Don't be a pussy"

"You're acting like a little bitch!"

"That's not what boys do!"

Have you ever stopped to think about what the programming you're instilling into the boys and men in your life is doing to their psyche? Time and time again we witness misplaced anger and wonder where all this aggression came from. We teach our men to be strong and project that strength in holding it together, no tears involved. We glorify being an alpha male and condemn any trace of feminity in men. We project the belief that crying is a female trait. It pains us to watch this programming unfold when men don't shed a tear in opportune moments. When men lack vulnerability. When men can't have a mental breakdown.

Bu, they do. Often in two extremes: painful, debilitating silence or rage.

It's toxic. It's toxic masculinity.

The only way we can normalize things is if more people saw more people thinking and behaving in a certain way. We decided to create the "Men Cry Too" photo project to humanize the experience of men crying. Men cry alone in bed, men cry while typing on their computer, men cry to trusted friends, men cry while running, men cry when there is a sudden death, men cry in the car. Men cry too....

Perspective is crucial in humanizing experiences so we seeked out Kahri Bolden, an African-American, Dallas, Texas man to open up our first series of images. Learn more about his perspective on toxic masculinity and what we can do to stop it.

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What impact has toxic masculinity had on you?

Kahri Bolden: The way I view certain topics and issues at first glance. Do I judge? Do I speak negative? Do I have a rude response? I've learned that I have done all of these things at some point. Why? Maybe I was trying to fit in or impress the guys I hung out with. Thinking back, toxic masculinity could be a learned behavior I saw through television on the way male characters acted. So I picked up that behavior as a child. In addition to maturing and wanting independence and doing what I "thought" young  independent men acted like.

What are ways you cope with your emotions?

KB: The way I cope with emotions honestly depends on what point I am in life or the certain situations. I would rather talk things through with my close friends or family. Usually then that helps with the release of emotions in the form of crying or just venting or a time to reflect later. When it comes to crying that usually is an emotional release that takes a lot out of me and requires a good nap afterwards. However, growing up it was ok for me to cry and my parents allowed that space for that to take place "when necessary." Also I learned that the strongest people are emotionally aware and able to know what they are feeling and process that even in the form of crying. 

It's also crazy to think that some young men have never seen their dad or other father figures in their life "CRY?" I have.

How can boys and men reverse toxic masculinity?

I would just focus on the healthy version of masculinity / being an overall good person. Be considerate of others regardless of your feelings. Knowing that it is ok to empathize with others and relate to other view points. Treating everyone with love and respect. Knowing you do not always have to be right all the time. Owning up to your mistakes, too.

VENT!! 

Find people in your corner you trust and talk to them about things. Start small and you will be more comfortable with sharing bigger stories or challenges. 

If you are going through a tough time, journal: write down whats' going on and months later read different entries to see if you're facing that challenge or how you overcame said issue.

 Surround yourself with QUALITY people who may not be like you. Perspective that it's ok to be different.

Shop the remaining images from this powerful collection by searching "Men Cry Too