Woman Crush: The Truth About Street Harassment

Every Wednesday we celebrate the popular hashtag #WomanCrushWednesday. While it’s a seemingly harmless day, every single day, men are going beyond crushing as they antagonize, harass, catcall, stalk and assault women.

“I’ve never walked anywhere at night with a sense of ease in my life. What must that be like??” my friend Kate shared with me.

Yeah, what must that feel like?

As I scoured the web trying to find stats on the amount of women being harassed, it became pretty clear to me that there has been little data collected on the national prevalence of sexual harassment. In an effort to address this gap, “Stop Street Harassment” conducted a survey in January of 2018 and uncovered that 81 percent of women (and 43 percent of men) had experienced some form of sexual harassment during their lifetime.

There is a broad spectrum of harassment that I am happy the study offered. Verbal sexual harassment, unwelcome sexual touching, cyber sexual harassment, being physically followed, unwanted genital flashing, sexual assault. Verbal sexual harassment was amongst the highest form at 77% stating that they had been victim to this. Verbal sexual harassment includes catcalling which involves inappropriate sexual comments and leering and being whistled at. Being physically followed was also high up there at 34%.

We can change that to 35%.

On Tuesday evening my friend and I had departed from our overdue catch up dinner. As we stood outside on the corner of the street we hugged, had some more small talk and eventually said our good-byes. As we were standing there, the thought of asking her for a ride crossed my mind, but my ego overpowered that thought because after all, I just live up the street. So as she walked toward her car, I made my way toward my house, just a block away.

As I walked up the street, I still activated the level of safety I know I need to implement as a woman walking outside. I chose to walk on a more lit side of the street. Then, the white car appeared....

Rolling up the road was a white car with a white male driving it. The car stopped abruptly near the cross walk I needed to cross to reach my neighborhood. At first I thought they were confused and thought it was a turning lane, but as they shouted sexually suggestive comments out of their window at me, I realized there was no mistake made. In that moment, I was what that white man wanted. He wouldn’t leave until he got it.

Frozen, I look up the street to find a lifeline. Aha! There is a restaurant! Oh no....it’s closed. I look down the street....nothing. Just me and this man and his aggression, his entitlement. My body started to go into shock.

Thinking fast on my feet I remember that not too long ago I departed from my friend. She can’t possibly be gone already. I call her and after what felt like eternity, she picks up. I quickly rambled that I’m being followed and she said she will be right there to pick me up. I didn’t wait - I turned back down the street, trusting that God would protect my back.

I could have cried when my friend’s car appeared. As soon as I reached my safe space, the fighter in me wanted to look the creep right in the eyes as he creeped back down the street. As I glared at him, he gave me a sly look, cackled and sped away.

It scares me to think he could have sped away with me.

It scares me to think how many women don’t have lifelines or safe spaces in these moments.

It scares me to think of how many women would have had to carry on in utter fear, subjecting themselves to catcalls and other inappropriate sexual advances every step they took.

It scares me to think how many people think "not in my neighborhood" - predators are every where, whether your neighborhood is rich or poor.

It scares me the women we will never see again.

It scares me.

My ask: beyond crushing on women, men: please protect us. Stand up to inappropriate behavior you witness from your male (and female) counterparts. Break the cycle so that people like me and my friend and hundreds of thousands of women across the world can walk the streets with ease in pure peace.

---Karen Okonkwo, TONL Co-Founder